You can look but you can’t touch
I don’t think I like you much1
Dear Uncle Paranoia
Before the day of our little crash
I was preparing myself in a rush
For “the worst scenario” — hush, hush
Watching how other cars smash2 !
You were the Prophecy Self-Fulfilling
My deepest fears perfectly embodying
In my RunAway3 ironically following
The odd fear and need of controlling
I must admit I find you interesting
Amusing, decisive, worth provoking
A distraction from the fear underlying
Separation anxiety and solo driving
You play your part rather clumsy
Gather information with your army
Target set, distract the little dummy
Constant attack driving me banan -y 4
What isn’t and what’s real I can’t tell
My imaginations eyes don’t see well
But coincidence and timing unveils
That anooying me in your mind preveils
Fights in public, I leave to your competition
I’m not an idiot to use that ammunition
Just stupid – with the big kids in negotiation
The lonely hero ends with hiperventilation!
Detective training, I’ve learned my bit
Boring job5, my privacy is a myth
Panick attack before even taking the hit
Don’t want your help, I admit defeat
Nothing to do, that’s what you say
But you helped my ex move away
Or just waited for the right day
The player would play me either way
Just in case, you’ll have on me your eyes
Entertaining yourself, long lonely nights
Feeling worthy and powerful in the dim lights
With every step, making me think twice
Maybe I’m trying too hard to escape
The slave mentality in it’s re-make
To my abusers a neverending debt
I want to to declutter that from my head
I’m moving on, ready, able and willing6
Maybe I’ll even learn self defending7
Taking my freedom slowly, no racing
All colours and sensations welcoming8
(Lucentum, 28.03 – 3.10.2020)
1Garbage – Paranoid (subtitulada en español)
2Polskie drogi – accidents on Polish roads
3Bon Jovi – Runaway (subtitulada en español) lyrics not excellent
5Private Investigator Training (boring job)
6All Saints -Ready, Willing and Able
8Cheryl Strayed “Going alone” The beautiful thing about going alone is that every triumph is yours, every consequence of every mistake is yours, everything that you have to figure out is on you. That’s a really powerful experience. And sometimes it is beautiful and positive and exciting, and sometimes it’s negative and hard and lonely. I wanted that. I welcomed that.
